The Omega Man

Obviously for this few months, I rarely post up new topics in the blog. This is because that I have no motivation at all to do it. It is also obvious that my few previous posts have been about me ranting and ranting all night long. Well there is a reason and hopefully this would be the stop of my rants.

Life in Newcastle now is not as what it seems. People can say I am lucky and should be happy but sometimes I feel it another way around. I am lucky in a sense that I am able to experience new and never seen before things. Things like experiencing the 4 seasons of the year, different culture and heh the exchange rate =P. There is more but it would never replace or cover what I'm feeling rite now. I feel bored. I feel alone. I feel that I'm becoming Will Smith in 'I Am Legend'.

In 'I Am Legend', Will Smith acted as a government scientist who discovered a threatening virus outbreak. He was immune thus allowing him to live. He decided to stay in New York and try to create an anti-virus to save humanity. For 3 years he survived. Alone. Everyday he lived in fear. He talked to his dog and put up some mannequins to keep himself sane. After his dog died, he went berserk and tried to sacrifice his own life. He ended up being beaten by some 'evolved humans' but saved by a woman and a boy. When he woke up, he saw the woman and the boy having their breakfast. After all this years of not communicating with other humans, he didn't know how to react to them. The woman says something he dislikes and SMASH, he shows his anger and his bitterness by shoving his plate, scaring both the woman and the boy.

The point of me telling of this story is that I feel the same way as he does. There are humans around me but its rare that I communicate with them. Those humans could be those 'evolved humans' who only can live in the darkness. Couped within themselves and I as Will Smith is becoming like him but to a certain extent. I feel that my communication with humans are not as good anymore and it isn't appealing to the other 'new' humans around.

The main point is that I feel isolated. I feel unneeded. I feel that I am useless. Just another 'human'. I just don't want to be treated and feel that way. I don't know about others but personally I hate it. I am a good friend. I can tell you that with confidence because I know who I am. I can share, laugh, tolerate and be patient but that we all know has a limit. My philosophy in my life is simple. The way you treat me is the way you'll be treated. Its fair, its balanced, and simple.

To keep things short, some caring wouldn't hurt a soul.

Under pressure

There is this song that I've been listening for quite sometime and I decided to share it. Its about being in pressure. About what culture has been today.

Pressure
Pushing down on me
Pressing down on you
No man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming "let me out"
Pray tomorrow
Gets me higher
Pressure on people
People on streets

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming "let me out"
Pray tomorrow
Gets me higher
Pressure on people
People on streets

Turned away from it all like a blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn
Why, why, WHY!

Love
Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love, give love, give love
Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love

Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

*Lyrics by Queen - Under pressure

GO! GO! GO!

Hardwork
Eloquence
Literacy
Patience.

This is what I require most at this moment. My dissertation and assignment due dates are coming very soon. Just another 2 months and I'll have my degree. I can do it!

Clement FTW!

P.S. : Note the capitals XD I need that too!

No man is an island.

Its has been 6 months since I arrived in the UK. In this short duration, I realized that I have learned a great deal of knowledge. I see how things work differently, why it happens and what made it happen. I has cleared my mind and opened it to see the world as I have never seen it before. With this experience, I feel I can do anything now. To travel, to take up a new hobby, to prepare for the working life and a whole lot more. But now there is something I wish dearly for. Companionship.

I have felt lonely at times while living here. I feel as though nothing in this world knows I'm here. I felt like a rock which no one knew or even bothered. I became unmotivated, lazy, and eventually moody. I easily became angry, silent or felt destructive. Loneliness can do crazy things to a man. I have never felt so bad in my life before this. I have been patient and tolerating but it couldn't overcome my moments of grief.

I have tried a lot of things to compensate over this. I tried playing video games but it bores me out fast. I tried to focus on my studies but it couldn't keep my mind off as it puts more strain on me. As days go by, I almost felt I could become insane. I didn't want that to happen so I decided to fake my happiness. I forced myself to laugh, to smile. I stacked up playing cards, threw them up in the air (and tried to flick out the Aces as seen on television =P), and also kicked, dribble (and volleyed) with a football in my room. Now you know how a time waster, waste his time.

I did this consistently for a few days. It was until I had several chats with my friends and family who are in my home country. After a good long chat with them, I felt good. As the matter of a fact, I felt GREAT. It was then I realized that I still had hope. I still had a purpose to fulfill in my life. It wasn't time for me to give up.

In some way, they saved my life. I owe them that much and so I promise them that no matter how bad things go, I WILL NOT GIVE UP because I know that, out there, there are people who still care. I am not alone.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Its been quite some time... again since I ever posted in my blog but its Chinese New Year and I would like to wish those who are reading through my blog, GONG HEY FATT CHOY!

'Fook'. Part of my chinese name.

This would be the first year that I am not celebrating with my family but no sweat. I'll be with them and my friends soon enough. =D