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Sunday, 24 February 2008

No man is an island.

Its has been 6 months since I arrived in the UK. In this short duration, I realized that I have learned a great deal of knowledge. I see how things work differently, why it happens and what made it happen. I has cleared my mind and opened it to see the world as I have never seen it before. With this experience, I feel I can do anything now. To travel, to take up a new hobby, to prepare for the working life and a whole lot more. But now there is something I wish dearly for. Companionship.

I have felt lonely at times while living here. I feel as though nothing in this world knows I'm here. I felt like a rock which no one knew or even bothered. I became unmotivated, lazy, and eventually moody. I easily became angry, silent or felt destructive. Loneliness can do crazy things to a man. I have never felt so bad in my life before this. I have been patient and tolerating but it couldn't overcome my moments of grief.

I have tried a lot of things to compensate over this. I tried playing video games but it bores me out fast. I tried to focus on my studies but it couldn't keep my mind off as it puts more strain on me. As days go by, I almost felt I could become insane. I didn't want that to happen so I decided to fake my happiness. I forced myself to laugh, to smile. I stacked up playing cards, threw them up in the air (and tried to flick out the Aces as seen on television =P), and also kicked, dribble (and volleyed) with a football in my room. Now you know how a time waster, waste his time.

I did this consistently for a few days. It was until I had several chats with my friends and family who are in my home country. After a good long chat with them, I felt good. As the matter of a fact, I felt GREAT. It was then I realized that I still had hope. I still had a purpose to fulfill in my life. It wasn't time for me to give up.

In some way, they saved my life. I owe them that much and so I promise them that no matter how bad things go, I WILL NOT GIVE UP because I know that, out there, there are people who still care. I am not alone.

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